Education down the drain. . . Literally!

Let me take you back a few steps on the timeline of your life to the days when you were a kid, an age until you became a teenager and then had the freedom to blame your hormones for everything you did. What was the definition of a "good" or a "bad" girl/boy? For the sake of simplicity, (before I launch into another sexist approach of how 'man' in history in always a 'he', another complaint of a 10-year old me,) let's talk about the concepts of "good boy" and "bad boy" among children.

I remember, how it was so important for me to make sure that I was told I am a "good" girl. Or at least, it was my mission as a child to avoid being called "bad". My parents (to whom I shall be eternally grateful for making me the person I am) had very clear concepts of good and bad defined for me. Let me see how much I can recall:
Good:
1. Be respectful not only to elders but to everyone you know. As a kid, everybody from the watchmen to my father's friend was addressed as "Uncle" out of respect. Believe me, I never felt it was forced.
2. Do well in all that you do. Studying, singing, dancing, whatever it was I did. And when I did well, I was always well rewarded and appreciated.
3. Be clean and hygienic. You can do certain activities in certain places, but never throw things on the streets, amongst others.

Bad:
1. Being whiney and stubborn. I've heard a few - what's the opposite of a compliment - in my time.
2. Breaking any of the "how to be good" rules already explained.

Now, what suddenly brought this up?

I used to be the person who loved kids. I enjoyed playing with them, being strict with them and have them use their simple logic capable of defying so many of my beliefs. But now, at times, I feel like I'd rather be away from them.

An incident that happened yesterday.
I was out with my cousins near home and we happened to see a boy, around 8 years old, very well dressed standing on the footpath. The next thing we noticed about him was that he was peeing. On the street. A busy street which can block your way for 5 whole minutes with shops on all the corners of the junction! It was one of the most disgusting sights on a Friday evening at 9 on a busy road of Navi Mumbai. No parents seemed to be around. After a little debate, we decided to follow the boy to see what we could find. We thought we saw him disappear into a shop, so we checked in. One lady on the counter smiled and said yes, the boy was theirs. Good. My sister spoke to the older lady, the mother, and explained what we witnessed and to take the reins of the child in control, especially regarding this matter. While we looked appropriately shocked at the behaviour, they looked at us incredulously, at first refusing to believe. A natural reaction for a parent, okay. But I did see the transformation in their expression when they realized how serious we were - and the Lady no. 1 was smiling, almost giggling away! The mother: she looked taken aback but did not respond much to what we had to say. And oh, I never explained which shop. A MEDICAL STORE!!!! As to the kid himself, he joyfully acknowledged his (no better word in English) "kartoot" and went off somewhere again!!!?!

What is happening, people? I see kids dominating parents like never before, showing little respect to elders or, for that matter, anyone. Why is a child more "bad" than "good", today? If the "bad" is becoming the new "good", then surely tomorrow the country's civic condition will go from "bad" to "worse" and what then? Who do we blame? If at the age of 8 it's ok for him to pee on public roads, I shudder to think what his concepts of "ok" and "good" are when he grows up.

One more incident that happened in the train.
This lady got up from her coveted seat in a crowded train when the train passed the bridge to throw a bag of plastic outside. A young girl stopped her and requested her not to do so. The lady then asked her how else she could dispose the plastic bag. The girl told her that she would take the plastic bag and throw it in a bin but implored her not to throw the bag over the bridge, as it affected the marine life. The elder lady in question was a "modern" lady with a big phone, trendy salwar suit and shoulder length open hair. I was talking about children. What to do about these people?

The one lesson I can take with me from this experience is that tomorrow I will not hesitate to walk up to a parent or the adult and tell them that them or their children are defiling public property. So should you. If this is the condition of the so called educated middle class, can you imagine the condition of those not priviliged to the knowledge of hygiene and  civic sense? In our limits, let us try to put our education and civic sense to good use and help those who have forgotten for, not just a better country, but for the sake of our own humanity, before it ceases to exist as we have thought of it to be.

Tolerance Injustified

(To the men in our lives who are nice to us:  We are fortunate, and we love you for that. Thank you, for not subjecting us to what we see so many women go through around us. We love you for that.

I’ve written this where the “men” are those who control us because of our faith, are our “leaders” and decide what is good for our society.)

I have kept quiet for so long, but now, I just can’t!

I just read the news about the ban on women from entering the Haji Ali Dargah, because apparently women aren’t allowed to visit graves. And men are, why? If somebody’s body has been buried under the earth for so many years, what sort of a mystically different effect is it going to have on women? (We can't even see or smell what's inside the grave!) Also, does this imply that the men are safe around the graves? There doesn't seem to be any consideration for their well being and hygiene. Poor men!

Having lived in Mumbai for so many years, Haji Ali has always been the place I’ve seen from the road, where during the day I see hundreds of devotees walking in and out of there; by night the place lit up so peacefully, calmly reflecting itself on the ocean. In the movies it has always been a place of peace and worship for those who've lost faith. Remember the beautiful song “Piya Haji Ali”(from Fiza)- which shows the desperation of two women praying for the safety and well being of one man.

As I read somewhere on Twitter today, ideally then, women should not even be allowed to enter the Taj Mahal! So much for the romance it symbolizes. There was one man who built a palace out of marble for the beauty she symbolized for him; then there are these men, who would forever keep a woman trapped in that palace of marble, “worship” her, but never let her out or let her voice be heard or in any form get to have her way against their will.

I remember this other article I had read about the actress Jaya, who was not allowed to enter this particular temple because she fell in the age group of around 12-50. We all know that in Hinduism, women are forbidden from entering temples during those days of the month. But the authorities of this temple have taken it a step further; women are unclean for the entire time the cycle is in their life! Do they know what it is like, to feel the cramps, to deal with your heightened emotional self, to feel it leave your body? And you yourself are a result of that “unclean being’s” pain and effort, weren't you, Mr. Pure? She could have chopped you off the minute you formed the zygote in her womb. But she kept you, and you can’t respect that. THAT is the difference.

We don’t want this, we don’t ask for this. We follow these things faithfully, for we have been taught that the men in our lives are the true figures of authority, who protect us, who take care of us, who earn for us. But what do we observe? Many of them suppress our aspirations, humiliate us with a mere look in their eyes, beat and violate us. That is acceptable, isn’t it? Sadly, it is the women who take it in silently and will one day explode so violently, there will arise more stories of Durga and Kali. You men are at all kinds of wars all the time, terminating so many so dispassionately! Yet we take it in, so that our loved ones are away from harm. THAT is the difference.

And until then, if you want her to fight, to take up arms, to spill innocent blood and suppress people simply because she can, then you’re mistaken. She will not fight. She will tolerate. She will not ask. She will take what is given. She will not demand love, but only want her loved ones to be happy. But if she isn't happy, it will affect everybody she is responsible for, “take care and cook” for. She will silently keep drinking all the poison, so the men and children are safe, and go one day beyond a place from which there is no coming back. THAT is the difference.

But they won’t ever get that, will they? They don’t understand. They won’t even know! They may have IQ and PQ (Power Quotient) but they're far worse at EQ.

Men aren’t capable of treating us as equals; it’s high time we accepted that.

“Khana achha nahi bana - *sounds of beating*”.

What it really means – “Somebody hurt my petty little ego, so I’m going to take it out on you, weak tolerating woman”.

“Chhote kapde pehen ke nikli hai - *girls starts screaming*”.

What it really means – “I’m a man, my desire must be satisfied. Whatever be the means."

“She is impure, she cannot show her faith to God”

What it really means – “I will control the women. I am God”.

I’m falling short of words for the emotions I feel now. These are but a few minor examples. The truth of the daily sufferings in the life of women is something that even when public someday will fail to make a difference in the life of anybody who is like any of the men I've mentioned above.

And I shall go back to reading about these things, feeling bitter about them, yet thanking anybody I can for keeping my loved ones safe and happy.

-A woman.

(I wrote this post on 6th November, but forgot to publish it! Apologies. Please give feedback. Posted after almost a year!)