Sunday 6 March 2011

Dilemma

'Woo hoo!'

'Well done, captain!'

'We'll win this time, yet again!'

Liam grinned at his team, as everybody left the changing room. He made sure everything was locked, and thought back on today's progress. They had discussed a new strategy for the next big game, and that made everybody extremely confident.

He walked back alone to the field, thinking about his life, and how perfectly everything seemed to have turned out to be. He was basketball captain, above the average jock at academics and was all set to go to a brilliant university ahead. Also, the most gorgeous girl he knew loved him so much. Life did not get this 'happening' for anybody he knew. He smiled to himself.


He walked past Julia, who seemed to be reading yet again. Out of curiosity, he saw the title of the book she was reading. 'A Collection – TS Elliot'. He stopped in his tracks, and felt his heart ache. He suddenly remembered how badly he had wanted to be a poet some time before. How the words had created a mystical universe, where he could be himself and let his emotions flow as words.

'Too late', he thought to himself.

He realised he had stopped walking and quickly looked at Julia. But she seemed not to notice him, so intensely was she caught up in the poetry. He began walking toward the field, his heart now a little clouded by his hidden passion for poetry.

As soon as he arrived on the field, a soft hand intertwined in his. He looked around to see the familiar, sparkling brown eyes ask him if everything was all right. He felt the clouds slowly fade away in his mind, when he looked at the most beautiful girl he knew, his Pearl. He took her in his arms, and held her close and let her go when he could no longer sense the clouds.

He looked at her again, and kissed her soft mouth and felt all his love for her. He saw the smile that lit up her beautiful face. He felt her delicate figure, her soft skin as she nuzzled into his shoulder, and felt warm. He felt better. Definitely much better. She looked tired though.

'All is well, miss President?', he asked her.

She laughed at the words, and replied saying, 'Yes, it is. A new student is to be introduced at the Student Body meet today. You will be coming, right?'

'Yes, of course. Anything to look at you in action, on the stage', he said.

'And in action otherwise?', she winked.

He blanked for a second. He should have seen that coming. He had to be more careful if he wanted to avoid uncomfortable situations like these. He did have his excuse ready today, though. 'Work first, baby. See you in the evening.' He then shot toward the courts, very much in time the look of longing on her face, and the flying kiss she blew him again.




The assembly hall was crowded today. Not that anybody really cared for a new student. This just seemed like a great place to catch up with pals after a long day. He certainly was not complaining. The practice exhausted him, and he needed his share of peace. He looked on the stage, to see Pearl giving instructions. He never felt so comfortable with anybody. She was always there for him. He was the happiest to have her in his life.

At the end of the meet, Pearl picked up her microphone and announced into it, 'We have a new Student Body member with us. Everybody please welcome, Ian Miller'.

Suddenly, the otherwise chatting students seemed to have an outburst, and everybody seemed to have something to say.
Liam woke up from his drowsiness, just in time, to hear snatches of conversation.

'His ex was a musician it seems.'

'Wonder how he plans to survive at our school!'

'Filthy fagot, had to come here of all places!'

Liam shifted uncomfortably. He wanted to go away from here. Suddenly, the Hall did not seem that great. He was just contemplating if he should leave, when Ian came on to the stage.The noise died away almost instantly, and necks craned to see the new attraction in the school. Ian seemed confident, and sure of himself. His eyes scanned the room once, and they stopped for a moment as they caught Liam's. Liam looked down uncomfortably, and did not look up until he was sure there was no Ian on the stage.

He did not realise, until a few days later, that the breath he had held was let out at that moment of eye contact, and his heart had beaten faster than ever before.



A month had passed since that day. Liam could not get the image of Ian out of his mind. He thought of Ian as handsome, stunning even. Ian carried himself with such confidence, such strength, that most people had gotten over his sexuality and warmed upto him. Liam was somebody not included in that group. He was uncomfortable, and he could not stand being around Ian. Pearl wasn't helping either, she kept getting Ian along with her.

Liam as usual waited at the end of school, to wait for Pearl. Today seemed to be an unusually beautiful sunset. The setting sun cast a saffron color on everybody and everything. The school building, archaic and of heritage, stood out beautifully.

He watched it as Pearl walked out of the building, looking as beautiful as ever. What Liam was not prepared for was how he felt when he looked at Ian. He could contain it no longer.

He felt overwhelmed, he had never seen anything so beautiful! The sunlight fell on his brown hair, his brown eyes, on that beautifully proportioned body. He had felt that Pearl was beautiful, but nothing that sent his heart out on this wild a chase. Nothing had ever been so alluring, so tempting.

These thoughts crossed his head, and he knew that the battle was lost. He could contain his heart no longer. He waved out a goodbye to Ian, took Pearl home.


The first thing he did when he came up to his room was to take a book, a pencil and write down his thoughts, something he had avoided for over an year.

His thoughts read thus.


The manificence of the rays of the sun's light, fell on his beautiful face

How entrancing, that the the light turned every brown lock of that thick hair golden

Oh, the joy in those eyes, to see the world thus lit

But my own would look and continue to look at them.


He stood near me, talking to another

Whilst my mind urged me to capture his interest

That graceful walk, like a deadly, yet hypnotising panther

That fascinating smile, that contained the know of more than the show.


Then he turned to me, and my heart missed a beat

He walked toward me. He spoke to me.

What he said, was lost on me, as I marvelled at his voice

Yet again, I could only look, and be fascinated by a creature so unearthly, so ethereal.


'Tomorrow then', fell on my ear, I was jolted back to reality.

A shock ran through my body as his hand innocently brushed past mine.

He smiled once more. My world was on fire, like a shooting star on a lonely night.

He went away, and I was left alone – breathless and speechless, unable to accept tomorrow was a night away.


He was about to retire to bed, when he noticed a text message on his cell phone. It said, 'I know how you feel. We all go through this. Don't worry, I'll be there for you.'

He could tell from the tone of the text who it was. So, Ian realised it too.


What was Liam going to do? Continue the fallacy with Pearl, and keep her unhappy? Or admit to the world, that he, Liam the star of high school, was really gay.

'Oh my god. What am I going to do now?', were his last thoughts as his exhausted body fell into a restless sleep, tired after a long day.

Saturday 5 March 2011

Lost

(Thanks to my friend Justin, I felt very inspired to write something dark. The mood seemed right for this.
A feeble attempt. Comments welcome, but be kind. :) )

The evening was on fire, as was my heart
In the crowd, alone I was
How I longed, for somebody to see
To know that I existed, to know me.

Like knives the loneliness pierces me
Like hot wires pressed to to every inch of skin
The burning a drug to the pain
That seeps through, making me insane

A thought, a gesture, a feeling expressed
Would perhaps make things a little better
But to be loved, as so many people are
Seems not in my destiny now,
At least, hopefully, a thing away far.