The Change

For anybody who still wishes to read my blog, I apologise for not posting earlier. 7th semester and absence of close people in life led me to be a very sad person. But I'm gonna take a positive step and try to improve there. :)

Hence, my 'New Year Resolution' this time, is not to lose weight (which I need to as of now, but who cares!) or get a makeover or quit a bad habit (that ones is also because I don't have any :P ). This time, I'm gonna make a positive change in my blog.

The world has a lot of things to do. Nobody really has the time to hear somebody go on and on. My blog has become so stagnant, I can't believe I let myself do that! I thought for a while, what should I be blogging about? For months and months this question troubled me.

Then, the silliness of my predicament jumped out of the box. The title 'musicaldews' is something I gave myself, because I believe that music is an inseparable part of my soul and I love it!!

Therefore, I will use this space as a music blog!

As often as I can, a particular song that has stayed with me, or I've recently fallen in love with, will be reviewed. I'll try my best to get all the information I can about it, point out what I feel is special or different or anything at all, and put it up here. If there's anybody who'll enjoy it at all, it would be a pleasure to continue doing so. :)

Thus, springs and autumns and all the other seasons, will come alive here through music over various languages, and hopefully be an enjoyable experience. It may also include little anecdotes and anything else, that I may feel like sharing!

Now, while I think about the songs I'll be reviewing here, you enjoy a fabulous New Year's eve.

Thank you so much, for taking the time to read this. Have a happy and successful New Year ahead.

Lots of love! <3

Should I get Idea?

There are many categories of the "frustrating" sort of people around.

Today, the reason for my wonderful mood, are the Telecom people!!!

Now, I have a very simple, decent phone. Ever since I bought it, I have people laughing at me for using this phone, but I've loved my Crystal like my own little baby. Ok. Except when I've got mad after reading something on it and flung it on the bed, and when I've dropped it by mistake. :P

So. My phone has an awesome feature called 'Dual Sim'. Being in my final year, and having so many friends gone away, I decided to take another sim card, and actually see what it feels like.

In my area, Services 1 and 2 provide the best network. I already had 1. So I decided to go for two.

I walked into the shop. 'Numbers dikhiye'. I selected one.

'Kya documents dene honge?' I had the stuff ready. I gave it.

'Do ghante mein aapka number chalu ho jayega, madam', said the shopkeeper.

Happy at my success, I happily continued with my day. True to his word, I could use the phone within an hour and a half of having bought it.

All was beautiful.

Then it happened. That one phone call.

No, it was not anybody asking me if I wanted a loan.

Neither was it a part-time job offer.

I was asked to confirm my identity by the service provider, and I very proudly told her my full name and my area.

The lady at the other end dropped a bomb on me.

'Madam, yeh number Mr. Devanand Kohli ke naam par hai. Aap apne documents re-submit kijiye, aapke paas ke gallery mein'.

Fuming, I went to the shopkeeper to demand an explanation. He saw a copy of my ID proof and said that it was 'unclear' and that's probably why the mistake happened at the gallery.

The only thing that was 'unclear' was my picture on the photocopy, because my glasses had not been printed properly!

Therefore, in the middle of a rather draining week, I took time to go to the gallery.

That guy said the same thing and said, 'Yeh wala bhi clear nahi hai. Aap dobara documents laiye'.

That was it. I yelled at him. I told him, if the passport office was ok with this, then these people should not have a problem.

He says, 'Sorry ma'am, gallery policy', and ignores me.

In a very Bollywood style - Uski yeh majaal?!

I wanted to ask him if he did not have an idea for my problem. But I don't think he was the 'I-understand-sarcasm-and-hence-I'm-smart' sort of a fellow anyway.

Urgh.

All of it for one sim card?

I even took this well. I got a better proof, and went to the shop. He told me that the gallery is open even on Sundays. (Whew!)

I perked up at that and decided to take a little trip there, and be done with it.

The gallery was (swear word) closed.

Now, I'm even wondering if it was worth all that effort!

Oh Gods of Telecom, I pray out to you. Please employ more intelligent people to do your bidding. Have at least one smart fellow in every shop and gallery?

Ignorance is not always bliss

In our society, when we think about people like ourselves, it is second nature to talk about somebody we dislike without their knowledge. However, it is almost unheard of that someone showed an open display of their hatred in public, in front of the person in question. What really is the better way?

Should one continue to be nice in person, and yet talk negative things about people behind their back? This would mean that the person might have an idea, but cannot really confirm. Is this sort of vagueness better? You give people the freedom to do what they want, and talk about it without their knowledge. In many cases, they might not even know that somebody could feel so strongly about them!

Or is it better to go tell somebody, "Hey, you know what? I really don't like ________ about you. Therefore, don't do this around me." If I were to go and say this to somebody, how would this person take it? The person could be greatly offended, and tell me to stay away. Or the person could actually appreciate it, and take care not to be like that around you. They might hate it initially, but come to appreciate it later, maybe? If they're the sensible sort, that is.

Or, does one completely ignore such a person? Pretend they do not even exist. Never acknowledge them in person, or in your conversations with other people. Could that be the best way to deal with it? I can answer this one, though.

No.

I think a show of love is ultimately what everybody wants. A show of dislike would certainly be unwelcome. But the pain of being ignored is the worst of them all.

Sometimes, with some people, there isn't another way (read guys who trouble girls). But in almost all other cases, even an acknowledgement is welcome, as opposed to being ignored.

This could be somebody on the street, asking for money. I think saying "aage jaao" is better than ignoring them.

This could be somebody at home, a relative of some sort you don't like. Even if you don't like them, never completely ignore them either.

This could be somebody at work, who's not very good socially or has strange manners. Leave it only at acknowledgment, but at least that much.

This could be somebody even you might know very well, but things may not be going very well with them.

Spread love, joy and peace where you go, so you may hope you find the same.

I don't even know why I wrote all this, but I just felt like writing about this. So. :)

On that very dramatic note (:P), here's wishing the few, very nice followers, of this blog, and the world at large, a very safe and joyous Diwali!

May the stars always shine on you. :)

The Temporary Phases

Last week, I was taking a walk, when I came across a nice, plump cat. I couldn't resist myself of course, and began cuddling it and playing with it. I walked holding it close to me for a while, and then it followed me on it's own. It felt so nice, to see people shoot envious looks at me for having befriended the cat. But it seemed so natural, so easy!

As we both sat beside each other and looked at the world, I realised it would begin raining soon. So I decided to take the cat to a sheltered place. We know cats hate water! Before I got very far, light droplets fell upon us, so I took shelter to contemplate over what I should do with the little being. That was my mistake.

A lady, standing with her 5-year old, decided that this was the perfect time to make conversation. She talked about mundane things and delayed me so much, the poor little cat jumped from my hand to seek comfort in the bushes. It had been pouring by then. I could not find the cat again. Drenched comepletely, I walked back home along empty streets, feeling helpless and lost.

Why did I have to go play with that cat in the first place? If I did, why did I allow it to follow me? Why did I want to see to it's safety? I mean, I'd known the cat for twenty-odd minutes!

And if I cared about it so much, why did I let that lady waste my time? Why didn't I just stick to what I had to do?

I hate it, when things in life aren't permanent. I hate it that people can bring fun and love in your life, and when you're almost getting used to them, they leave you and go away. Sometimes with a warning, sometimes not even that.

"Be strong", they tell me. Yeah, right!

And if you, by some stroke of luck realise that you're being too emotional and you should get a grip on yourself, people say that you've suddenly become cold or detached.

That, is still restricted to other people. It can be ignored.

But how do I tell myself, that the cat was safe? I could not meet it again.

How do I know all those people who have gone away will be fine?

Emotions are too much, at times.

At times, I wish I was a simpler being. Wouldn't overthink so much!

Illusioned

That night, I saw a dream.

It pierced my soul like a shrill scream.

I was jerked awake to see the reality,

By the rivers that flowed from my eyes.

It had all started beautifully.

It had all started still.

As I had enjoyed peace and love.

I found myself back home then,

As someone seemed to call.

An old lady she was.

I want to come in, she said.

But each time I tried to let her in,

She seemed to disappear.

A triumph it was for her,

When she entered through the window.

She smiled sweetly at me,

Which instilled in me a fear unknown.

She walked toward me.

I was hysterical now.

I searched around, a blade I got.

In case, I thought to myself, I needed a weapon.

She was now almost touching me,

Her eyes full of evil mirth.

Trembling, I stabbed her thrice.

Expecting her to fall,

I prepared myself to face a lifeless body.

Yet she stood standing there,

Eyes full of that mirth.

I staggered, I ran.

I called out to people, but the world seemed empty.

Until I saw the ghost of my forefather,

Who had come to protect me from this evil unspoken.

He was sacrificing his soul, to save mine.

My eyes opened, as I was breathing heavily.

An illusion all this was, it seemed.

A game a child was playing far away, unaware,

Who had created an image, a shadow of mine, weary with time.

But as I looked back and recalled that haunting smile,

The rivers continued to flow.

(I don't know if this counts as poetry. I don't think it is.

I wrote this at 4.30am as I couldn't sleep!)

The Return to Innocence

Ah, the age old dilemma. "What should I write about today?"

Let's begin with one of the crazy adventures I have in my life - me.

Being in my head for 15 minutes is equivalent to being in a mental amusement park, with all those freaky rides, for a full day! Plus, a project day (yes, I'm in my final year now! *proud*) sitting in front of a PCB, waiting for Copper to come off the board is equivalent to the scariest roller coaster around, within my head, that is.

Of course, when things do not go as expected, it's like lighting a match near a curtain and have the whole house burning.

So, to calm my livid self down, I decided to take a long walk, without my earphones!

And how I felt after that?

Amazing! I went to this park, that had a playground and a walking track. Deeply absorbed in my thoughts, I was brought back to reality by three little girls wearing those shoes. The ones that make sounds as they walk? They looked so excited to be there! To sit on the swing, enviously looking at the older kids climbing on the slides by themselves.

There was a group of elderly gentlemen, sitting, talking and laughing. From what bits I caught, I think they were very spiritual people. In the midst of nature, discussing their lives, meeting friends, they looked so happy.

Of course, we had very distressed looking housewives furiously walking along the track, body builders pushing people around so they could jog, teenage boys doing funny antics on the grass to catch girls' attention. All of it was so entertaining! It was only as I sat down after a long time, sat for a long time, pushed myself to finally get up from there (I felt so much at peace, I never wanted to leave!) and walked home, I realised what I felt.

We in our fast paced lives, have lost our innocence.

Don't get me wrong, I do not mean to say we all behave like a five year old would. I mean to imply that we have lost the innocence in our approach to life. As kids, we wouldn't worry about what was right, what was the correct way for something to be done. We would go ahead, and do what we felt was right. Surely, as grown-ups, we can apply the same principles, and yet have a fresh approach to all that seems problematic to us?

I do not promise, that I can always take this approach. That I will not worry, I will not over-stress, I will be indifferent. I promise none of these.

Yet, someday, if I look back at life and see this moment, it might just help me calm down or help the situation then.

Anyway, this post, these feelings lead to this playing in my head right now. Enjoy away! :)

Return to Innocence - Enigma

There are times, when you wish random people around you would shut the hell up about their petty problems. Out on the roads, whilst travelling; the only thing on your mind? "Who the hell invented mobile phones?!"

Then, there are times, when you wish that people close to you would talk to you more, give you more of their attention, give you more time. But as logical, as natural a thing that may seem to be, it's apparently not what's happening. I'd like to quote a song here, told to me by one of my good friends - What hurts the most, is being so close, having so much to say, and watching you walk away..

There are times, when you wish random people around you would shut the hell up about their petty problems. Out on the roads, whilst travelling; the only thing on your mind? "Who the hell invented mobile phones?!"

Then, there are times, when you wish that people close to you would talk to you more, give you more of their attention, give you more time. But as logical, as natural a thing that may seem to be, it's apparently not what's happening. I'd like to quote a song here, told to me by one of my good friends - What hurts the most, is being so close, and watching you walk away..

Harry Potter - A Grand Finale

Today was the day. Today was the day I was going to see the last movie of the Harry Potter series. I woke up, over excited about it. I even dreamt of parts of the story in my head. Obsessed? Always!

I had thrown a tantrum at home (sorry, Dad.) for booking the tickets as soon as I could. After a bit of research, I finally decided on a cinema hall nearby, but only I knew I'd be seeing it royally. The first day seemed to have gone well. Most people I knew had seen it, and I had got positive reviews from whoever (fans at least half as crazy about the series as me) told me about it. That was a first for the movies!

I walked into the cinema hall, terribly impatient for the doors to open.

When they did, I first went to the seats. A surprise for Dad and my sister, for they had not expected those seats. Armchairs, with a wonderful place to rest legs and recline our backs. Oh boy, were they happy! :)

The movie began, and the occasional latecomers blocking our view (I learnt that my sister can swear.) was cursed heavily by two innocent looking girls sitting on the last row. After those people (finally) settled, the only sounds heard in the hall were people breathing, and an occasional SMS tone.

The Interval. My sister looks at my watch and says - What? Already?!

What a second half! People laughing, hooting, feeling emotional. The many people shocked to discover the Prince's tale, and the fantastic picturesqueness of the duel, and the ending with the entire audience applauding and whistling, to a grand finale to what had captured our minds and hearts ten years ago.

My experience? It was wonderful.

I saw the movie with the people I love, who'd ask me for little clarifications. Royal seats, a tub of popcorn and some cola to sip on. Moments in the movie reminded me of other friends, with whom I'd discussed and shared my love for the series.

My summary? A few lines.

Harry Potter may have been the "hero". Daniel Radcliffe and Ralph Fiennes may have played the historical characters. But the true show for me, was stolen by Alan Rickman (Severus Snape) and Maggie Smith (Prof. McGonagall), who, with their brilliant timing and depth to the characters, completely had my eyes looking only at them on the screen.

If you haven't seen it yet, make sure you do. Because we know, love him, or hate him, nobody has been able to ignore the poplarity of Harry Potter, and he has affected you. Bid him farewell and look for something else to (finally) obsess over. :)

Three Minutes

I stepped out a while back, to get myself something to eat. As I walked along the road, to the near by shop, I was only thinking about what I was gonna get. As I finally bought it, the events of a long day were playing like a movie in my head.

But as I started walking towards home, I opened my eyes and my thoughts to the world outside, and I realised - what I think, or what I feel, doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things.

A nearby school had just left, a little kid came by, and asked the fellow at the shop, "Uncle, yeh vada pav kitne ka hai?" The guy said that it costed seven bucks, and the child quietly walked away. It was so unnerving, so touching and the same time a little sad. Ever thought that it costed 7 bucks, and probably more elsewhere, before buying a vada pav?

A big crowd of ladies had gathered, discussing recipes and husbands, as they waited for their children's school buses. All of them worried over what they were going to cook for dinner, and how they felt less loved by their families, but never letting that show on their faces. It had been a while since I had seen that.

I continued walking back, and the mouth-watering smell of warm sweet corn being roasted on the coal wafted out. People of all ages enjoyed bhutta in this weather.

A lady walking beside me was scolding what looked like an 8 year old kid, about losing his water bottle, and yet, carrying his heavy school bag on her shoulder, as he looked down guiltily.

Auto drivers and two-wheeler riders cursed in their heads, as the chattering pedestrians blocked more than half the road.

In the midst of all this, a girl - going to get junk food to feel better, simply because she wanted to get over being alone, and was terribly missing her parents - walks home quietly, lost in her thoughts, just wanting to sleep.

Sometimes, I just wish I had a magic wand, if only it served one purpose - to change my mood.

I promise, I wouldn't misuse it. I would use it only when the situation demanded that I feel in a particular way, and I felt the exact opposite.

All you want to be is happy, but you can never bring yourself to do that. How often does this happen?

Or conversely - You know the situation is serious, or requires that you be sober, but you can absolutely not help giggling away?

There is a strange sense of detachment, a strange sense of alone-ness, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

But, when I'm around people, I want to be alone. When I'm alone, I really feel the need to have somebody around me.

Well, we all pray to God, that this mood goes away enough for me to write a cheerful post the next time.

Till then, enjoy the beautiful rains and the cool weather. :)

Feel Good Movies

Are feel good movies over-rated? Sometimes, I agree.

But sometimes, they can cheer you up infinitely!

So, which movie did I see? Yes, yes. I'm coming to that. That's precisely why I'm even writing a post on this. I had heard a lot of good stuff about this movie, but I don't know why I didn't see it when it came out. The brilliant movie in question is - Patiala House.

Yes, the Akshay Kumar-Anushka Sharma movie. Yes, the one on cricket. :P

So yeah, I was feeling a little blue. Talking didn't seem to help, and everybody around seemed busy. So here I was, waking up to a dull morning, thinking - "Another long day to pass".

Woke up, did a lot of timepass. Then switched on the TV, and remembered that I wanted to watch this movie.

I was a little late, but what the heck!

The movie is simple, with a predictable story line. Akshay gets to re-live his dream of playing international cricket, but his father is against him playing for England, where they live. So with the help of friends and relatives, he sneaks around and plays and gets discovered.

I saw it, complete with the cheering, eyes getting slightly moist at the senti scenes and dancing to a couple of groovy numbers.

What I loved about this movie was the work. Rishi Kapoor steals the show all the way. The other actors are not that bad either. The last scene though, is the best.

I went from a " :| " to " :D ", singing whatever Punjabi lyrics I thought I understood, and getting mom-dad interested in it too.

So, thanks to the makers of this movie. Your movie really cheered me up!

The Lady

Tall she stood, magnificent in her beauty,

As she watched over the hustle around her manor.

Pride was reflected in her eyes

As she felt the power, to change it.

A widow she was, from six summers past.

Alone, she was left to care for two and more,

As the affairs of men, had fallen into her hands

Along with running the household.

A simple girl she had been,

Unknown to the matters of the world.

'You will marry him', her father had said,

And sealed her fate forever more.

With a heritage left, but nothing to sustain,

She chose to lodge a boarder.

The Abott, with his wisdom,

Asked her to take in a man and his daughter.

She was lost, in the manner of his charms,

The way his eyes allured her.

Thus, on an afternoon warm

He was seen leaving her chamber.

'Mother', said her young boy, one day,

'I will teach the daughter to play the lute'.

In the lonely barns, on a summer's eve

A sin was witnessed by the eyes of sheep.

As they burned in their desire,

They did not see what followed

A lamp, thought to be extinguished

Burned all in the barn to ground.

'Mother', said the other boy, some days later,

'I will march for the King, as my father did'.

Never again did she set her eyes on him

As he was lost to the royal command.

'My lady', said the Lodger, as he caressed her neck,

'I fear my death too.

For I have betrayed the Kingdom,

Not realising, it would also mean I betrayed you'.

Loss and loss, every moment seemed to bring;

Her heart grew restless more so.

The treachery, now discovered,

Found now even, her third man now gone.

That left in her despair,

She was truly alone.

She banished the lot that served her for years,

As she burned herself to a frightening death.

(The main character and the plot, is loosely based on Lady Kathryn from the novel, The Illuminator, written by Brenda Rickman Vantrease.)

Question (One of many)

I was thinking today (surprise, suprise!), and I have decided to put up one of my struggles here, for different perspectives and to see if I'm the only one.

I don't know, if one should be honest all the time, if one should do what will give them the highest benefit, or if they should just plain lie and confuse everybody. Honestly, I could do any of these, under certain circumstances; as would anybody.

My situation is specific to this :

Most people who know me, know that I have gone from being a snail, staying in my shell to a star fish, bright and vibrant. Some things may have happened naturally, some I took upon myself to improve. But I still cannot do this one thing.

I cannot walk upto somebody and tell them that they hurt me. I can apologise when I know I'm wrong, I can give honest advices or opinions. I can even tell them how they've hurt somebody else. But, I cannot look at someone in the eye and tell them, 'This is what you did, it hurt my feelings'.

This troubles me a little, because I keep thinking over it, I keep hurting over it, and I cannot let it out.

Sure, I can call up a third person and say that '.. .. .. bothers me, and I felt hurt.' But even this is not of much help, since I believe only something personal can hurt me, and the matter should remain between us.

I don't know if I can change, I try, but it's not easy. So here is my question to you :

Can you do this easily? How do you go about it? What goes through your head when you tell somebody something like this?

Random

The sun set to settle, after a bright afternoon.

The little girl happily walked to the valley.

Money was heavily jingling in her pocket,

As she hopped to her favorite alley.

She paused to breathe and looked around her.

The lights and smells had always made her ponder.

How delightful, was this big, active street!

She thought her mind would never stop to wonder.

'Hello Mr. Candy, how are you today?

I'll have my usual - Candy in the May.'

'Sorry little girl, forgive me today;

All the valley children have taken yours away.'

A little disheartened, she again looked around.

Hoping to hear, what would seem, an inviting sound.

'Hello Mr. Ice Cream, how are you today?

I'll have my usual - Very Very Wow.'

'Sorry little girl, I'm in a rish today;

My child had taken ill, and is calling for me now.'

A little sadder, she again looked around.

Her eyes brightened up, at what she found.

'Hello Mr. Cake Shop, how are you today?

I'll have a nice, cream, cup-cake.'

'Sorry little girl, but with the coins you show;

I can give you nothing you see on the row.'

The little girl started for home, completely heartbroken,

As she jingled sadly what she had got from home to spend.

Again, she looked around, hoping to give the sadness away,

But only an empty street called out to her, with nobody to lend.

(Wrote this very randomly. Think of this as a little girl's perception of the world when she was heartbroken.)

Kiddo mode!

I love being an insane little kid!!!

I had an ice-cream today. A deep orange ice candy that was apparently mango flavored? :p

Anyway, the point is, it was superfun to demand an ice-cream, choose one from that pile at the local ice-cream wala and happily lick it.

The end result being very orange lips and a very orange tongue. Imagine the fun in sticking out a deep orange tongue at somebody with maniacal laughter in your eyes. Superfun! :D

Licking on your ice-cream, keep staring at somebody and intimidate them. There are little kids looking at you enviously. *sticking my tongue out at them again*

The best part though, is then asking people. 'Arre, how much of my face is still orange?' and then your friends saying - it's all ok. And it is, till you realise you come home and look at the mirror and say, 'I'm still half orange? (gaali), I'll get my revenge!'

You do all that, have fun, and a 5-minute-ice-cream can inspire you to write a blog post, think fondly of your friends and hopefully entertain a few people. :)

Rambling

Exam time = creativity time!

Yes, you read that correct. I'm going absolutely crazy! Can you believe my sixth semester at my wonderful college is about to end? No? Neither can I. (Now please don't say it was to happen someday. I want to wonder. :P )

So here I am, with a prelim paper tomorrow, dying to write about something. What should I write about?

If you get a headache at any point, stop reading. If it doesn't go away in 2 minutes, don't read further.

How difficult is it to choose something to write about? We talk so much, about so many things. We have opinions, comments and judgements even, about many things we've never even personally dealt with. Is that correct? Or is it all right to talk about something you're really not sure of, just because no one of consequence may get to hear of it?

I talk a lot, and my opinions may come across as pretty strong too. But is that correct? Should I be talking about it? Why do we have opinions about the government, the police, the film industry, politics, business.. when most of us have never been there? How easy is it for us to judge somebody, by merely looking at them, based on what we hear about them?

Forget the big names. Should I be judging the people around me? They do many things I don't approve of, as well. But I know them. I can see what they do. Can I give my opinion now? Should I though? Not everything I have to say is positive. Won't that harm my relationship with them?

Here I am, talking to much, lost in my thoughts, unable to cohesively say what exactly I think *I* should do. I'm sure such things happen to anybody who thinks, no offence to the others.

But have you ever thought of people as people? Surely everybody has an excuse for their behavior. But again, how many of these excuses are justified?

There are surely so many people out there, who've gone through personal crisis that I can't even begin to imagine, that I don't know of. Is my behaviour to them justified? Can they use it as an excuse for something that they do wrong?

I can go on and on, but I'm getting a headache typing it out. :p

So today, I'm officially a gone-case. :p

Just some random thoughts I wanted to get out. I don't want to disturb anybody who's studying, with my rantings, so just thought of putting it up here.

To all those who have exams - All the best!

To those who don't - I'm envious. Do something good with the time you have.

Dilemma

'Woo hoo!'

'Well done, captain!'

'We'll win this time, yet again!'

Liam grinned at his team, as everybody left the changing room. He made sure everything was locked, and thought back on today's progress. They had discussed a new strategy for the next big game, and that made everybody extremely confident.

He walked back alone to the field, thinking about his life, and how perfectly everything seemed to have turned out to be. He was basketball captain, above the average jock at academics and was all set to go to a brilliant university ahead. Also, the most gorgeous girl he knew loved him so much. Life did not get this 'happening' for anybody he knew. He smiled to himself.

He walked past Julia, who seemed to be reading yet again. Out of curiosity, he saw the title of the book she was reading. 'A Collection – TS Elliot'. He stopped in his tracks, and felt his heart ache. He suddenly remembered how badly he had wanted to be a poet some time before. How the words had created a mystical universe, where he could be himself and let his emotions flow as words.

'Too late', he thought to himself.

He realised he had stopped walking and quickly looked at Julia. But she seemed not to notice him, so intensely was she caught up in the poetry. He began walking toward the field, his heart now a little clouded by his hidden passion for poetry.

As soon as he arrived on the field, a soft hand intertwined in his. He looked around to see the familiar, sparkling brown eyes ask him if everything was all right. He felt the clouds slowly fade away in his mind, when he looked at the most beautiful girl he knew, his Pearl. He took her in his arms, and held her close and let her go when he could no longer sense the clouds.

He looked at her again, and kissed her soft mouth and felt all his love for her. He saw the smile that lit up her beautiful face. He felt her delicate figure, her soft skin as she nuzzled into his shoulder, and felt warm. He felt better. Definitely much better. She looked tired though.

'All is well, miss President?', he asked her.

She laughed at the words, and replied saying, 'Yes, it is. A new student is to be introduced at the Student Body meet today. You will be coming, right?'

'Yes, of course. Anything to look at you in action, on the stage', he said.

'And in action otherwise?', she winked.

He blanked for a second. He should have seen that coming. He had to be more careful if he wanted to avoid uncomfortable situations like these. He did have his excuse ready today, though. 'Work first, baby. See you in the evening.' He then shot toward the courts, very much in time the look of longing on her face, and the flying kiss she blew him again.

The assembly hall was crowded today. Not that anybody really cared for a new student. This just seemed like a great place to catch up with pals after a long day. He certainly was not complaining. The practice exhausted him, and he needed his share of peace. He looked on the stage, to see Pearl giving instructions. He never felt so comfortable with anybody. She was always there for him. He was the happiest to have her in his life.

At the end of the meet, Pearl picked up her microphone and announced into it, 'We have a new Student Body member with us. Everybody please welcome, Ian Miller'.

Suddenly, the otherwise chatting students seemed to have an outburst, and everybody seemed to have something to say.
Liam woke up from his drowsiness, just in time, to hear snatches of conversation.

'His ex was a musician it seems.'

'Wonder how he plans to survive at our school!'

'Filthy fagot, had to come here of all places!'

Liam shifted uncomfortably. He wanted to go away from here. Suddenly, the Hall did not seem that great. He was just contemplating if he should leave, when Ian came on to the stage.The noise died away almost instantly, and necks craned to see the new attraction in the school. Ian seemed confident, and sure of himself. His eyes scanned the room once, and they stopped for a moment as they caught Liam's. Liam looked down uncomfortably, and did not look up until he was sure there was no Ian on the stage.

He did not realise, until a few days later, that the breath he had held was let out at that moment of eye contact, and his heart had beaten faster than ever before.

A month had passed since that day. Liam could not get the image of Ian out of his mind. He thought of Ian as handsome, stunning even. Ian carried himself with such confidence, such strength, that most people had gotten over his sexuality and warmed upto him. Liam was somebody not included in that group. He was uncomfortable, and he could not stand being around Ian. Pearl wasn't helping either, she kept getting Ian along with her.

Liam as usual waited at the end of school, to wait for Pearl. Today seemed to be an unusually beautiful sunset. The setting sun cast a saffron color on everybody and everything. The school building, archaic and of heritage, stood out beautifully.

He watched it as Pearl walked out of the building, looking as beautiful as ever. What Liam was not prepared for was how he felt when he looked at Ian. He could contain it no longer.

He felt overwhelmed, he had never seen anything so beautiful! The sunlight fell on his brown hair, his brown eyes, on that beautifully proportioned body. He had felt that Pearl was beautiful, but nothing that sent his heart out on this wild a chase. Nothing had ever been so alluring, so tempting.

These thoughts crossed his head, and he knew that the battle was lost. He could contain his heart no longer. He waved out a goodbye to Ian, took Pearl home.

The first thing he did when he came up to his room was to take a book, a pencil and write down his thoughts, something he had avoided for over an year.

His thoughts read thus.

The manificence of the rays of the sun's light, fell on his beautiful face

How entrancing, that the the light turned every brown lock of that thick hair golden

Oh, the joy in those eyes, to see the world thus lit

But my own would look and continue to look at them.

He stood near me, talking to another

Whilst my mind urged me to capture his interest

That graceful walk, like a deadly, yet hypnotising panther

That fascinating smile, that contained the know of more than the show.

Then he turned to me, and my heart missed a beat

He walked toward me. He spoke to me.

What he said, was lost on me, as I marvelled at his voice

Yet again, I could only look, and be fascinated by a creature so unearthly, so ethereal.

'Tomorrow then', fell on my ear, I was jolted back to reality.

A shock ran through my body as his hand innocently brushed past mine.

He smiled once more. My world was on fire, like a shooting star on a lonely night.

He went away, and I was left alone – breathless and speechless, unable to accept tomorrow was a night away.

He was about to retire to bed, when he noticed a text message on his cell phone. It said, 'I know how you feel. We all go through this. Don't worry, I'll be there for you.'

He could tell from the tone of the text who it was. So, Ian realised it too.

What was Liam going to do? Continue the fallacy with Pearl, and keep her unhappy? Or admit to the world, that he, Liam the star of high school, was really gay.

'Oh my god. What am I going to do now?', were his last thoughts as his exhausted body fell into a restless sleep, tired after a long day.

Lost

(Thanks to my friend Justin, I felt very inspired to write something dark. The mood seemed right for this.

A feeble attempt. Comments welcome, but be kind. :) )

The evening was on fire, as was my heart

In the crowd, alone I was

How I longed, for somebody to see

To know that I existed, to know me.

Like knives the loneliness pierces me

Like hot wires pressed to to every inch of skin

The burning a drug to the pain

That seeps through, making me insane

A thought, a gesture, a feeling expressed

Would perhaps make things a little better

But to be loved, as so many people are

Seems not in my destiny now,

At least, hopefully, a thing away far.