Tolerance Injustified

(To the men in our lives who are nice to us:  We are fortunate, and we love you for that. Thank you, for not subjecting us to what we see so many women go through around us. We love you for that.

I’ve written this where the “men” are those who control us because of our faith, are our “leaders” and decide what is good for our society.)

I have kept quiet for so long, but now, I just can’t!

I just read the news about the ban on women from entering the Haji Ali Dargah, because apparently women aren’t allowed to visit graves. And men are, why? If somebody’s body has been buried under the earth for so many years, what sort of a mystically different effect is it going to have on women? (We can't even see or smell what's inside the grave!) Also, does this imply that the men are safe around the graves? There doesn't seem to be any consideration for their well being and hygiene. Poor men!

Having lived in Mumbai for so many years, Haji Ali has always been the place I’ve seen from the road, where during the day I see hundreds of devotees walking in and out of there; by night the place lit up so peacefully, calmly reflecting itself on the ocean. In the movies it has always been a place of peace and worship for those who've lost faith. Remember the beautiful song “Piya Haji Ali”(from Fiza)- which shows the desperation of two women praying for the safety and well being of one man.

As I read somewhere on Twitter today, ideally then, women should not even be allowed to enter the Taj Mahal! So much for the romance it symbolizes. There was one man who built a palace out of marble for the beauty she symbolized for him; then there are these men, who would forever keep a woman trapped in that palace of marble, “worship” her, but never let her out or let her voice be heard or in any form get to have her way against their will.

I remember this other article I had read about the actress Jaya, who was not allowed to enter this particular temple because she fell in the age group of around 12-50. We all know that in Hinduism, women are forbidden from entering temples during those days of the month. But the authorities of this temple have taken it a step further; women are unclean for the entire time the cycle is in their life! Do they know what it is like, to feel the cramps, to deal with your heightened emotional self, to feel it leave your body? And you yourself are a result of that “unclean being’s” pain and effort, weren't you, Mr. Pure? She could have chopped you off the minute you formed the zygote in her womb. But she kept you, and you can’t respect that. THAT is the difference.

We don’t want this, we don’t ask for this. We follow these things faithfully, for we have been taught that the men in our lives are the true figures of authority, who protect us, who take care of us, who earn for us. But what do we observe? Many of them suppress our aspirations, humiliate us with a mere look in their eyes, beat and violate us. That is acceptable, isn’t it? Sadly, it is the women who take it in silently and will one day explode so violently, there will arise more stories of Durga and Kali. You men are at all kinds of wars all the time, terminating so many so dispassionately! Yet we take it in, so that our loved ones are away from harm. THAT is the difference.

And until then, if you want her to fight, to take up arms, to spill innocent blood and suppress people simply because she can, then you’re mistaken. She will not fight. She will tolerate. She will not ask. She will take what is given. She will not demand love, but only want her loved ones to be happy. But if she isn't happy, it will affect everybody she is responsible for, “take care and cook” for. She will silently keep drinking all the poison, so the men and children are safe, and go one day beyond a place from which there is no coming back. THAT is the difference.

But they won’t ever get that, will they? They don’t understand. They won’t even know! They may have IQ and PQ (Power Quotient) but they're far worse at EQ.

Men aren’t capable of treating us as equals; it’s high time we accepted that.

“Khana achha nahi bana - *sounds of beating*”.

What it really means – “Somebody hurt my petty little ego, so I’m going to take it out on you, weak tolerating woman”.

“Chhote kapde pehen ke nikli hai - *girls starts screaming*”.

What it really means – “I’m a man, my desire must be satisfied. Whatever be the means."

“She is impure, she cannot show her faith to God”

What it really means – “I will control the women. I am God”.

I’m falling short of words for the emotions I feel now. These are but a few minor examples. The truth of the daily sufferings in the life of women is something that even when public someday will fail to make a difference in the life of anybody who is like any of the men I've mentioned above.

And I shall go back to reading about these things, feeling bitter about them, yet thanking anybody I can for keeping my loved ones safe and happy.

-A woman.

(I wrote this post on 6th November, but forgot to publish it! Apologies. Please give feedback. Posted after almost a year!)